How do I love thee? Let me count the ways….
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
– Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861) from Sonnets from the Portuguese 43 (1850)
I hear from many disaffected Christians. Some pour out their hearts to me, telling me they have been devout and happy in the religion for their entire lives until whatever age they are right now – usually they are in their fifties or sixties – but of late, they have become disillusioned. There are too many questions that lack good answers, too much that troubles them about Christian beliefs, and they simply no longer feel comfortable about being part of any Christian denomination. Many seem to see the way I have freed myself as their welcome inspiration to make the leap themselves. Some will ask me questions that suggest they are still nervous about suffering some level of divine retribution if they actually leave the religion; but most seem to think I can address their worries. After all, I successful broke away, and look how happy I am now! How close to Jesus! How spiritually fed and joyful and fulfilled I seem to be!
And I am indeed joyful. But it hasn’t been easy. My leaving traditional Christianity altogether was a move that I resisted for as long as I could, until in the end I really had no choice. And leaving Christianity has brought me so much closer to God in a truth-based reality that at last makes perfect sense! So I have no regrets about leaving Christianity. But I mourn the religion I have lost. I’ve made peace with my grief over the past two decades, much as you would make peace with the death of anyone very close to you. But still, at this time every year just the thought of what I have given up for Jesus feels like a small cloud of sadness in my springtime sky. Despite everything, I still love my religion!
I know from emails that this pining for Christianity after leaving it happens to others, too; and since that is true, it is past time for us to talk about what for many years felt to me like a personal failing. I converted to Catholicism at marriage, and then I came to love it so much that I held onto it long after I should have let it go. I love Jesus with everything in me! And the more I have studied His life and His words, the more convinced I have become that the religion has nothing to do with Jesus. In fact, it is impossible to follow the Lord if you let the religion remain between you.
But Christianity still displays such a comforting face! Despite all that is wrong with that old-time religion, if you ever have been at all devout you will find that the religion you abandon for Jesus is going to have its roots in your deepest heart. The longer you follow the Way of Jesus, the more He will reinforce your choice; but still, and perhaps forevermore, Christmas and Easter can make you ache for your old-time Christian life. And for the joy of singing Christmas carols! For candle-lit Christmas Eve
services that always fill your heart with joy! For glorious sunrise services at dawn on every Easter morning, when you discover once again that empty tomb!
And most of all, what I still miss is that old-time Christian certainty. Growing up in a traditional Christian home makes you know when you are too young to fight the lessons that you are a sinner, that hell is real, and that Jesus had to die so God would forgive you and let you into heaven. You grew up knowing the deal you had made, and you knew that God and Jesus would stand behind it; but to keep your get-out-of-hell-free card you would have to keep going to church each week. Eventually I had done enough research to be sure there is no get-out-of-hell-free card, and nor is there ever any need for one; but nevertheless, I kept going to Mass for years after I could have made the break.
I told myself I was keeping my husband company, but I realize now that I still craved that wafer! I had learned enough of the truth that I was sure that in order to get closer to Jesus I was going to have to abandon the fear-based religion that still came between us; but there remained that small, residual fear that I had internalized in childhood. And I still felt the relief of knowing as that wafer melted on my tongue that I had sealed my deal with God for one more week. It was only when our local parish completed work on its beautiful new church that featured a life-sized, full-color plaster Jesus bleeding on a cross above the altar that I was able to stop attending church. I couldn’t bear even to look at Jesus being eternally crucified, so at last I welcomed into my heart the eternally risen Lord and asked Him to assume control of my life.
If you also find yourself still mourning your religion at susceptible times of the year, here
are some measures that might lessen your burden:
- You still can call yourself a Christian. When I first realized how harmful to the mission of Jesus all those fear-based Christian dogmas are, I began to tell people I was “an originalist Christian” (whatever that means). But in fact, I soon realized that following just the Lord’s teachings makes us even more profoundly followers of Christ than any traditional Christian ever could be! So now I simply call myself a Christian. If someone asks about my denomination, I say that I strictly follow the Lord’s teachings. Whatever that denomination is, that’s what I am.
- Minimize your traditional celebrations. With our children grown, we don’t put up a Christmas tree or play carols in the house, but we still give Easter baskets to our grandchildren. We share some lovely family holiday dinners, but we keep them generic. No one seems to mind.
- Find ways to duplicate the warmth of Christian fellowship. To be a Christian is to have a cozy Sunday family and share lots of weekly smiles and hugs! I finally left Catholicism when my oldest grandchildren were preschoolers, and I wanted them to have an early church experience so I joined a nearby Unity Church and enrolled them in its Sunday school. In retrospect, I realize now that having a pleasant and largely dogma-free church home for a time made my transition to spiritual freedom easier.
- Find ways to duplicate the joy of Christian service to
others. The fact that these messages arrive in your inbox on Sunday mornings is no accident! My faithfully writing these posts, producing Seek Reality podcasts, and answering every stranger’s email has given me a ministry. For you, your calling might instead be to volunteer in a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen, or perhaps to serve as a mentor somewhere. Just prayerfully do whatever feels right to you! - Continue to enjoy Christian habits that are not fear-based. My own favorite tradition is the fact that I began to give up chocolate for Lent when I was sixteen years old. I still give up chocolate for Lent to this day, and when my Catholic husband teases me about it I tell him that if I eat chocolate at Lent there will be a thunderbolt right through the ceiling. And he doesn’t want to have to pay to fix that. I never have been afraid to eat chocolate, but rather my habit seems to be a kind of joke that the Lord and I can share. If there is some habit that still feels special to you as a holdover from your former Christian practice, then so long as you aren’t doing it from fear, there is little harm in keeping it going.
- Spend quality time with Jesus. I think it’s this craving I have to know the Lord better, more than any other single thing, that has helped me to keep my priorities right. If you simply give up practicing your religion and you never find anything to take its place, you are likely to be nagged by the emptiness in your life that you yourself have created. Of course you are going to mourn and feel guilty about having abandoned Christianity, and you’ll keep some residual fears besides! But if you invite Jesus into
your heart and develop the habit of reading His words, sharing thoughts with Him, and simply building a closer and richer daily walk, you will find that He soon will nicely fill that briefly empty place in your heart.
It has been estimated that half of the Christian churches in the United States that closed for Covid last spring will be closed for good within the year. Our fading pandemic might
be accelerating what already was a rapid decline. So it is time now for all of us to make real for Jesus the Christian Way that He taught us long ago. Next week let’s begin to celebrate the joy of at last really knowing and living the Way of our eternally risen Lord.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
– Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861) from Sonnets from the Portuguese 43 (1850)
Vecteezy – Church in Singapore






























































