Posted by Roberta Grimes • January 08, 2022 • 24 Comments
Afterlife Research, Death, The Fun of Dying

Oh, my love, my darling,
I’ve hungered for your touch a long, lonely time.
And time goes by so slowly, and time can do so much.
Are you still mine?
I need your love, I need your love,
God speed your love to me.
– Alex North (1910-1991) & Hy Zaret (1907-2007), from “Unchained Melody (1955)

When the beloved actress Betty White died on New Year’s Eve at the age of 99, the last word she spoke was the name of her third and final husband, the love of her life, the jovial game show host Allen Ludden, who had died some forty years before. Press reports tell this story as randomly cute and charming, which fact by itself is tragic, when for the dying to call to their dead loved ones is the most normal thing on earth. It happens more than a hundred and fifty thousand times a day at deathbeds all over the world, and it has probably been happening in much the same way for the past two hundred thousand years. How is it possible that the whole death process has not long since become common knowledge?

When Steve Jobs was dying, he lay surrounded by his family, saying his goodbyes. And then his eyes lifted, he looked beyond them, and he said, “Oh wow! Oh wow! Oh wow!”

Thomas Jefferson died on the morning of July 4, 1826. His good friend, John Adams, died that afternoon. As Adams lay moribund, he murmured, “Thomas Jefferson still survives.”

All these dying people were being met by their dead loved ones as they were preparing to leave their bodies. There is never a tunnel that ends in a light in any normal death! That myth is just near-death-experience nonsense. No, there is an actual planned-death process that more than seventy-five percent of us can look forward to enjoying, and many of our living loved ones will witness it as they sit at our bedsides and support our transitions. The veil between dimensions continues to thin, which means that more and more of this process is going to become ever more transparent. So let’s begin now to get comfortable with it.

What happens in these daily lives makes it feel to us as if they are our real lives. But they’re not. In fact, this entire lifetime is something like a rough excursion into enemy territory; and as each of us dies, this lifetime is going to be treated as something like the hard but necessary duty it has been by our loved ones and our spirit guides as they eagerly welcome us home.

We have talked before about the fact that our lives on earth are carefully planned. We diligently plan challenging lives, stressful and full of hard-duty tasks that might advance our own spiritual growth. The two-year-old blog post linked just above includes a bit of my own story, which I think now is probably more typical than I had realized it was when I wrote that post. I am apparently a somewhat ambitious being whose close friend and guide is more spiritually advanced, and by helping him to complete his development, I also (we hope) can advance my own spiritual development as well. All of us are helping one another by doing this hard-stuff-on-earth thing together!

So, each of us as I write and as you read is living another tough planned earth-lifetime. We are both in the very thick of it! But each of us, on some un-guessable day, will come to what our higher consciousness will select to be our last earth-day. It is very likely to be at one of three exit points that were pre-planned into this lifetime, at a place where our higher consciousness judges that we have wrung as much learning and growth as we can get from the effort that being here requires. Whatever our age at the time might be, we will generally have spent that last year or so in winding things up, perhaps planning a final gala celebration as Betty White just did; or else, as a friend of mine did who died in his fifties, we might take a big trip, heal rifts with old friends, share thoughtful conversations with each of our children, share secret passwords with our husband or wife, and in retrospect we will seem to have known what was coming, even though we didn’t consciously know.

When we are trying to better understand how human life works, it is important that we always remember two things:

  • Each of us has a primary spirit guide. Nearly all of us has more than one guide, with the deputy guides dedicated to targeted duties; so for example, if you have decided to learn to write novels or to play the piano, you will have added guides who have those skills; or if you are trying to quit an addiction, you’ll have a guide who is helping you in that area. But you have one main guide who is always with you, who helped you to plan this lifetime, and who will be with you for your entire life.
  • You spend a few hours out of body with your primary guide most nights. Think of this as when you do your strategizing and your reconnoitering. It seems to happen in the first part of the night, from maybe ten or eleven until one or two; and it’s the reason why things so often tend to look much clearer the next morning.

It has come to seem to me that as people’s lives begin to wind down, this behind-the-scenes counseling becomes especially important. Our guides are steadily counseling us, and also counseling our loved ones, to keep things smooth and tranquil. I have a friend whose toddler drowned at the age of two, and it was clear to us in retrospect that he had been counseled about it beforehand; I also can see in the lives of many people before their death happens that they knew it was coming. I can see it in my own life, too.

My research has yielded many good examples of what can happen as the death process unfolds, but I am going to save most of that to share with you in Seek Reality Online videos and Zoom meetings. You will find that once you stop fearing death and start looking forward to it as the ultimate adventure that it actually is, learning about the fun that other people have had with the events surrounding death, and also are having with them even now, can be quite enjoyable!

As people pointed out to me when The Fun of Dying first was published, getting to the point of dying from a disease like cancer isn’t fun at all. But as death actively approaches, even if getting to that point has been unpleasant, generally most of the pain is past. And for those who have so little pain that they can remain wide awake, within the last twenty-four hours of life on earth, a beautiful moment arrives. Wonderfully, we will begin to notice long-dead loved ones appearing in the upper corners of the room. Why they appear in the upper corners, I have never heard explained, although I have my hunches. And this phenomenon is highly variable. There are reports of afterlife visitors appearing many days before the death. My own mother was visited by her parents five years before she died, when she was in a coma and her doctor assured me that she could not survive; but she refused to go with them, she got better, and eventually she transitioned in her sleep. You could be welcomed by a group of loved ones who will party hearty for days in your hospital room, or your only deathbed visitor could be your beloved long-dead horse. But the usual deathbed visitors are one or a few of the dead people you will most trust appearing in an upper corner of the death chamber less than a day before your departure time, looking young and happy and chatting with you in your mind; and then accompanying you as you leave your body so you and they can exit the room together through the fog, or else through the wall, across the bridge, or whatever your culture has come to expect will be the departure method.

You will be happily focused on your loved ones as you move to the next level; but if you look around, you are likely to notice a little rescue party there. These folks are likely to include your primary guide, an angel or two, and maybe beings of light, all focused on the guest of honor. A seasoned warrior is coming home! I don’t know the percentage of transitioning people who are taken directly to hospitals and care homes for a stay that generally amounts to several earth-months, but I think it could be as many as half. Those who don’t need care will go to reception gardens, life reviews, welcome parties, and so on, pretty quickly; but those whose bodies have been sick or damaged, whose minds have been damaged, and those who in any way are at all the worse for earth-wear are first taken for a stay in the most beautiful and loving kind of restorative care you can imagine.

The hospitals and care homes are true to the period when the patient died, and the care given there is whatever that particular patient needs. The effort the care specialists will put into healing our earth-trauma is extraordinary! Back in the seventies, when I was reading original afterlife evidence, I was doing this research just for myself so I have no idea where this account came from. But I will share with you what I think is the most touching tale of all.

A boy who died in WWI had had his genitalia shot away as part of his terminal wounding. He knew what he had lost, so the body his mind created after his death was missing what to a man is essential, and he was miserable. People taking on the look and clothing of doctors and nurses took him into a vintage-1918 operating room, told him that he had been given a local anesthetic so he would be awake to watch what was happening, and then they sewed on the missing parts. Ta-da! All better! But he didn’t believe their cure would work, so of course the newly attached parts didn’t work, and he was even more miserable. So then they took him to a beautiful bedroom, and they put him to sleep. A woman gave herself the appearance of a gorgeous teenage girl, she slipped into the bed beside him, and she awakened him and proved to him beyond the slightest doubt that everything was working just fine.

That is the only account that I can recall reading of full-fledged physical sex after death, but it shows the extent to which those who operate the post-transition care facilities will go to heal the wounds that life on earth can inflict on our minds. It is impossible for you to imagine the extent to which you in particular are infinitely loved.  

Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea,
To the open arms of the sea.
Lonely rivers sigh, “Wait for me. Wait for me.
I’ll be coming home. Wait for me!”
Oh, my love, my darling,
I’ve hungered, hungered for your touch a long, lonely time!
And time goes by so slowly, and time can do so much.
Are you still mine?
I need your love, I need your love,
God speed your love to me!
Alex North (1910-1991) & Hy Zaret (1907-2007), from “Unchained Melody (1955)

Roberta Grimes
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24 thoughts on ““Allen”

  1. Dear Roberta,
    Thank you for a breath of spring air on a cold snowy day! Your messages have been running parallel to other messengers I read, and knowing that you all refrain from studying/reading others’ messages, it makes it breathtaking to see messages align without you knowing!
    I would like to share that I saw my father “see” the other side almost a day before he passed. Prior to it, he was feeble and tired; the plan was to stay in his own home. Yet, my sister left the room (she was a nurse) to call the hospital as she grew concerned with his inability to be comfortable. As I went to get more pillows, I saw him slowly look to his left, and his eyes got wide, his body excited, “Oh! It’s so beautiful!” And it seemed he was listening to someone. He saw I saw, and we smiled a knowing smile to each other. Suddenly he was his usual self and helped my sister have the courage to call the ambulance.
    He was put in hospice, IN THE SAME ROOM MY MOM PASSED IN almost a year prior. I noted the painting of a girl in a field of flowers, there when mom died, was a boy! He was happy, Roberta! I bought him chocolates (he wasn’t a candy eater usually) and he was delighted. He said goodbye before we left with kisses, and it struck me that he did as my mom did to me the last time, “I love you, I love your family!” And I received 5 kisses, one for each of us, and a hug! After he passed, as my sister and brother stood at the bedside, I was given the gift of seeing (regular eyesight) a golden orb slowly pass across the room and dissipate, fly off. I was transfixed. My siblings saw nothing but wished they had. In all this, I had a strong peace and a joy for him.
    So I do believe reports from others, albeit I have always believed in the spiritual since childhood.
    Final note, he had bone cancer, and the doctor told us later he was astounded my dad refused heavy pain meds to the end. He took occasional Tylenol. I was reminded that I had fiercely prayed that his passing be pain free, that help be given from “their side” that he pass safely and easily.
    My Sunday mornings are always kicked off well, reading your blog! I am grateful! Many blessings to you, Fran

    1. Oh my dear Fran, I am so glad you and your family had such wonderful experiences with your father! And all so typical. A century and more ago, befoe antibiotics, it was far more common for younger and healthier people to pass, and sometimes whole families would be treated to days of sitting at the bedside as a wall of the room disappeared (for some of them, and for the dying loved one) and the dying person excitedly described what he saw of the next stage of life. I think that in cases like your father’s there is some sort of easing of pain going on as death approaches; I haven’t investigated it, but what you report with your dad is pretty common. I love hearing about the orb! For some reason, iphone cameras are especially good at photographing orbs.

  2. Hi Roberta, hi everybody! Two or three days before my father passed, in the hospital he muttered something about an important meeting and he named three people. I am only sure of one of the names that I caught him saying, and that was his mother. My own mother, whose dying was more drawn out through deepening dementia, routinely met with her grandmother.

    Most of the rest of my family dismissed these visitations. For my own part, I do not seem to have trouble dealing with the loss of either parent because I observed their experiences. In fact I feel my parents’ powerful (much more powerful) presence now as ever. It will be good when more people put their trust in witnessing these actual experiences rather than dismiss them.

    1. Mike,
      I agree, that by the experience, we feel their presence more profoundly. To me, they are more “real” now than ever, and I liken it to a sense of “a lifting of a veil” over my eyes, that I didn’t see their true being when younger. I am so very grateful for the experience of the signs and messages before their passings, as if being prepared by a spirit team, and for the privilege of being with them at their departure. God bless you!

    2. Oh yes, very many of our beloved family members will have extended periods before their deaths when they are interacting busily with people who are not there in bodies. Since those who have transitioned communicate telepathically – and not by words, but more in boluses of thought – for us who are looking on, this whole thing can be somewhat confusing! But so long as the old ones are happy, we are as well.

      1. I forgot to say that after my father passed my mother talked about him visiting her “with permission from God” to tell her about the time project he is working on. Again, people disregarded her report as the dementia talking.

        1. Mike: This doesn’t sound like something that was dreamed up by a person with dementia. Do you think he would be interested in something like that if he was here i.e. was he scientifically inclined?

          1. My dear Lola, no mental issue or deficit survives that post-death hospital stay. And many of us have interests that we leave behind there for a little hard-duty time here!

  3. Hi Roberta.
    I am confused about something you wrote. “Near death experience NONSENSE “. What do you mean by this?

    The writing today stirred up a very deep sadness for me. I got to thinking, who would come for me? Who loved me on this earth? Not my parents, or siblings. Not my Aunts or Uncles. Maybe a grandmother, but not sure. Thank goodness as I continued to ponder on this, I was able to think of a friend or two, Jesus, a guardian angel whose eyes, melt me into a place of deep love, and a few of the Archangels I have come to know and work with. Well whoever comes, I am hopeful it will be wonderful.

    NDE’s help me so much with my fear of death and the reminder that there is real love. Death and the threat of them killing me was used from my parents on a regular basis and also that God would strike me dead and send me to hell. Still working of disarming this emotional bomb.

    Thanks for your blog writings.

    1. My dear Sue, nothing that happens in a near-death experience has anything whatsoever to do with death. Instead, NDEs are in the nature of dreams with experiences tailored to the experiencer: here is a blog post that I wrote on the subject.So when we are trying to understand what actually happens at death, of course NDEs are as useless as is the dream about flying that you had last night. I have to teach what is true, my dear lovely Sue! And anyway, while some NDEs are nice, some are terrifying. It really is best to study and learn what is actually true!!

      And what your parents did to you when you were a child says nothing about how they might approach you at the end of your life. They will have had the opportunity to feel the way their treatment made you feel, and that will have changed everything! Interestingly (to me), in my own life, there was a younger child who felt somewhat put-upon. The adults, as they passed, got to feel during their life-reviews how she had been made to feel, and later on when I was testing mediums, several of my relatives asked me please to make a special point of telling her how much they all loved her!

  4. Oh Roberta, thank you for paying tribute to Betty White and her Allen. When I heard of her passing, I celebrated for her and her beloved. What a joyous reunion they must be having! I had not heard about her final word, but that just sealed the deal for me. When my beloved was preparing for his exit, I was somehow shielded from the pain of awareness that I am just now, after one year and eight months, beginning to understand. He had been hospitalized for three weeks, and because of the covid hysteria, I was not allowed to be with him at all. Our only contact, after thirty-nine years one month and two days of blissful togetherness, was via telephone and email until his last few days, when the doctors finally relented because there was nothing left to do for him. Thankfully, I was with him when he made the transition, literally at the very second after I kissed him one last time. I believe my guide(s) knew I would never let go without a fight; so I always believed we were going to get out of this whole nightmare alive right up to that last kiss. And now I know that when I am finished with my mission here, the last word on my lips will be his name.

    1. Oh my dear Janelle, thank you for sharing your lovely story with us! And please, everyone, note that it isn’t always bonded love partners who greet one another. Steve Jobs must have been greeted by other loved ones, since his wife survived him, and Jefferson was Adams’s old comrade-in-arms. There are tales in the literature of even animals as the primary greeter. Apparently I have instructed Thomas during some nightly meeting or other that I want to ride out on Beau, my horse that I owned for his entire life, and he tells me that has been arranged. Which is something I have had to explain to my rather confused but always endlessly patient husband 🙂

      1. Leslie Flint brought through the spirit of an old peddler from the late 1800’s when peddlers were a common thing to see. He said that he had a horse during his peddling days, and when it died of old age he was devastated. The peddler told him that “Jenny” was the first to greet him on top of a hill with flowers and trees. When asked if Jenny was his wife, he said no – that Jenny was the name of his horse.

  5. Hi, Roberta…..oh my goodness…..tears coming in reading some of this. I had always said my husband, Fred, had nothing else to learn in this life….diagnosed with the cancer… with it to the fullest those 7 years……being an inspiration to so many people. (of course, including me!) I just know what my last word will be! Fred!!
    Thank you so much for explaining things that I feel and think and am still learning about.

  6. My father who for many years worked as a priest in a swedish church and had had so many funerals told me that at one particular funeral when he talked about the dead man and suddenly this man appeard/ showed himself to a lady who played a organ/ piano. This man was so overdelighted to see all the flowers to him and hear the good words the priest ( my dad) said about him. 🙂 And he Said something like ”this is so nice” 🙂 Only the musician lady could see him.
    I believe also that dead animals can
    show themselves to their owner .

    1. Oh yes, my dear Kristina, people often attend their own funerals! This happens, of course, when they are well enough, and they aren’t in hospital. They always have someone with them – often their primary spirit guide for the lifetime just ended – so if they begin to feel too emotional, they can be steered away. But it can be good sometimes to feel the love of those who attend the funeral. Mikey talks about it in his book!

      1. A boy I dated years ago had an older brother who was a funeral director down in the Catskills, and he said that he heard noises there at night in the funeral home when he was cleaning up and getting things ready for a wake or funeral the next day – things like footsteps, whispers etc. He finally decided to not go alone any more, as having someone with him lessened what he called the “creep factor”

        1. That makes me smile. I would imagine that funeral homes and such places might well be full of things that go bump in the night! Our beloved friend Mikey has estimated that just under 25% of those who die don’t transition right away for various reasons, and most of these folks go off-track for a time and have to be rescued. They are then in the nature of ghosts, more or less, and might well cause noises without even being aware of doing so!

  7. “It is impossible for you to imagine the extent to which you in particular are infinitely loved.” -Roberta Grimes. (above)

    Sometimes it is hard to feel even a slice of love here on earth while being buffeted, battered and blown about by the forces striving all around us or within us. Sometimes we are pulled up and pause for a bit, as the feeling of being loved at Source enfolds us for a perceived time before it fades away. Oftentimes it is those we adore, be they human or animal, who share the gift of love with us and reawaken that deep knowledge; the knowing that although we are living in a simulation, it is underpinned, surrounded and infused by Love.

    Love then, would ensure that each of us would have someone to attend our death and bring us home. Even if there is just one soul present there and then, we will be welcomed Home. Those who have no life partner will still have someone, be they human, animal or being of light. I guess Love would ensure we are never alone. ❣️

    1. My dear Efrem, I had a rough start to marriage. Edward came back from Vietnam and was stationed in DC, so we effectively eloped. But we are two strong personalities, we had no family structure there, and I think in retrospect that it was mainly our shared extreme stubbornness that kept us together while we figured marriage out. I recall at one point sulkily thinking after he had stormed out over some stupid quarrel that, well, at least probably in heaven there was someone who loved me. And, oh my god, I was flooded with such intense, overwhelming love. I can feel it again, just by thinking of it! And it is that moment of divine love in Silver Spring, Maryland almost fifty years ago that I share with you each week on Seek Reality. There was enough love in just that second of time not just to fuel my entire marriage, but also to fuel all the world forever. Oh yes, my dear beautiful friend. It reaches to Australian and back and forevermore. I could never have imagined such love.

  8. Dear Roberta. You’re scaring me a bit when you say, in bold type, that you feel you’re prepared to go home soon. You have seemed to hint at this in other posts as well.. I guess it is selfish of me, but I’m hoping that won’t be too terribly soon, even though you’re looking forward to that ride on Beau. There are some beloved animals I look forward to seeing myself when I get home. I imagine there can be pretty exotic animal greeters for some people. The woman who raised the gorilla Koko comes to mind.

    1. Oh my sweet beautiful Scott, “soon” is a relative term! But yes, I am eager to see Beau again. I am eager to see Thomas again, after 17 earth-lifetimes and after all that we have been through in this one! I’m eager to see my family of this most recent lifetime. And I’m especially eager to check my work, as it were. The first thing my mother said when I contacted her through a medium was, “You were right about everything!” But, was I? You can’t imagine how careful I have been. No scientist ever has been more precise! But I’m dying (gosh, pardon the pun) to check my own work and see how right I actually was.

      And I can see now that I have been building toward this coming set of years for my entire life. That’s pretty exciting! But I don’t expect to die very soon, if that helps? I have a last, important set of things to do, and I am excited to at last be beginning those things, but it is going to take me years to complete them. I think that most old people must feel this way: ready to go because so many loved ones are already at the party, but not in a particular rush; and in my case, I am anxious to get this last part of my work done as perfectly as possible because it seems that only Craig and I really care enough and have the energy to do it. But we are deep into it now. And, as they say, “Once begun, half done!”

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