One of the questions I am asked when I speak about The Fun of Dying and The Fun of Staying in Touch is whether we can have post-death sex. After all, the whole area of sexual relations is so important to our earthly lives. Isn’t it central to who we are?
I think it’s important to consider why physical sex is so important to us. There seem to be three reasons:
1) Procreation. Our bodies are driven to reproduce themselves. Hormones meant to get that done are powerful drivers of our interest in sex.
2) Pair-Bonding. The human emotional urge to be close to another human being is strong, and sexual relations are a way to express and fulfill that need.
3) Enjoyment. Physical sex is for many of us the most pleasurable thing that we do in our lives.
Do these reasons why we want to have sexual relations change in the afterlife? Based upon what the dead tell us, all three reasons disappear:
1) Our post-death bodies lack a procreative drive. Probably because we don’t reproduce there, the dead tell us that their bodies have no physical urge toward sex at all.
2) Fewer of us pair off, but instead we feel close to many people. We live in the afterlife without any of the hardscrabble maintenance needs that make pairing off seem to be a useful defense against a hostile world. Pair-bonds, if they exist at all, are generally looser and more companionate.
3) For most of us, everything we do in the afterlife is pleasurable. We have no need to work, eat, sleep, or indeed do anything that we don’t feel like doing. We are young and healthy and surrounded by endless possible entertainments. And whenever we like, we can engage in an intensely pleasurable body-melding activity with anyone at all. The dead tell us body-melding is better than sex. And it has no morality attached to it.
So apparently, in the afterlife people really don’t bother with physical sex. Even for my dear friend Mikey Morgan, who died at the hormonal age of twenty, post-death sex holds no interest at all. But can we have sex there if we want it? It seems from the evidence that indeed we can.
There is a story told of a youth who had suffered a genital injury before he was killed in the First World War. His post-death body was created by his mind, and it still bore the injury that obsessed and depressed him. Even after corrective post-death surgery, he still thought himself to be less a man, so he was tucked into bed and put to sleep. He awakened to find a beautiful young woman in bed with him who initiated lovemaking, and he discovered that everything worked just fine!
I love that story because it so completely typifies the way the newly-dead are treated: whatever you might need to ease your recovery from the grievous ordeal that is life on earth, apparently they are eager to offer it. The personal care that each of us is given is shown in many such stories of tenderness toward the newly dead. But in all my research, the rehabilitation of that genitally-injured soldier is the only account I ever have read of actual physical sex after death.
So apparently we have post-death bodies that are capable of having sex, but at the same time there are so many more enjoyable things to do that few of us bother with it. I don’t know about you, but the thought that everyday post-death life is better than sex seems to me to be a good thing!